Saturday, 8 September 2007

An Ode to Keywords...

Jayne, over at Blogging for Bitter Women, has had the excellent idea of using your keyword search terms to construct a fridge magnet poem. Ever up for a challenge, this is my attempt using our search terms for the last four weeks...

Beware of Internet Dating, Agnes Mildew!
My exes first time putting a hex on my ex.
Fig leaf boxers, earliest pants -
I was nude under the jacket, Doctor!
Knickers Up!

Fat knees, Norma Stits (not impressed clothing) - Fat Cow!

How come vodka cannot freeze? Knickers!
Can my ex take my house which was a gift? Smelly old ladies...
How do I get rid of lots of spots on my tongue? PERFUME IMMEDIATELY BECKHAM!

Turgenev, Dobrolyubov,"HAL PAIGE AND THE WHALERS", yof yofferson, Benicio del Toro - FAMOUS SLAPHEADS...

Celebrity knickers, gshohs, best hairspray to use for summer - How to make my boyfriend moan?

Agnes + Hexmyex, bitter exes, two exes blog - That's what friends are for.
Beauty secrets for girls - hamster bowel lump!
Hex Your ex - Briefs are forbidden, Boxers at all times...

So let the heartache begin
Poenas!

8 comments:

Jayne said...

Hahahaha... oh god my side hurts from laughing and I think I just woke everyone in the house.

My favourite line is: hamster bowel lump!

Most excellent! Will add your link to the main challenge post now!

Agnes Mildew said...

Jayne: I think Andrew Motion is going to be quaking in his boots, quite frankly. I never realised quite how shallow my depths really are.

thewishfulwriter said...

THIS is why I love reading your blog.

well, that and you say arse and other words i have never heard before....

Agnes Mildew said...

Heather: Possibly Matt & I should put up a glossary of UK terms for our other reader outside of this tin pot island. I shall collar him later and gauge his opinion - he knows naughtier words than me!

thewishfulwriter said...

perfect. the dirtier the better. that way the young kids i teach won't know what the bloody hell i'm saying.

Matt Chingduvé said...

What a strange poem!

You can get a similar effect by cutting and pasting part of a blog, putting it through an online English to German translator, then translating the German result back into English!!

Hours of fun!

Matt Chingduvé said...

Here's a rude word:

Fitbin!

Matt Chingduvé said...

I had to come back and read this again.

Where on earth did it find 'knickers up' from?!!!

That's just so wrong. I say 'down with knickers!' :)