Sunday, 24 June 2007

Opposites Attract?

Special feature by guest blogger and terminal singleton, Matt Chingduvé.

Hi there. Nice to be with you.

If, like myself, you often find yourself designing cutlery for Goldfish, then you also have too much time on your hands, and may have already thought about my idea. Hopefully though, you have a somewhat more conventional approach towards leisure activities, and perhaps have been too busy waxing your elbows, hoovering your shed, etc to have given this much thought.

'Opposites attract', so the short saying goes. True, or just an Old Wives Tale? To put this to the test, I spent literally 23 seconds on a concept to put this theory to the test.

It is all very simple, as you'd expect from me. Just write down your vital statistics or physical attributes, and a few items of interest to yourself, for example hobbies, music, sports, etc as a list. Here's mine as an example:


Height: 5' 8" (in old money)

Weight: Fatty

Eyes: Two

Type Of Car: Riley Kestrel

Favourite Groups: The Beatles, Bonzo Dog Band, The Len Fairclough Experience

Favourite kitchen appliance: Fork

Pets: Budgies

Occupation: Sweaty electrician

Favourite position on a compass: Magnetic north

That will do for now. We don't want to become self-obsessed here.

OK then, now we have the basic information, the idea is to write down, as accurately as possible, the opposite of your answers. This should determine the characteristics and personality of the opposite you'd be attracted to. Be honest and try to keep to the first thing that springs to your mind, as this is usually your true feeling. Let's do mine as an example:

Height: Well, I'm not too short or too tall really, so I guess I could choose really tall or really short. Let's go with really short.

Weight: The opposite to me is thin.

Eyes: I have two. What's the opposite of two? That's got me confused, but logic suggests 'one' as the answer here.

Type of car: Hmm. The opposite to the Kestrel would be a safe, economical, sensible motor and not one you'd see John Cleese whacking with a branch.

Favourite groups: The opposite to mine would be boring, unoriginal and not worth listening to.

Favourite kitchen appliance: The opposite to my answer would be knife.

Pets: I guess the opposite to a Budgie would be Cat. So let's say a Lion!

Occupation: The opposite to my answer is of course a non-sweating Plumber (as if such a beast exists!! Tskk!)

Favourite position on a compass: I've already forgotten what I said. Oh yes, magnetic north. So I guess we'll say non-magnetic south here.

OK sports fans, so now we have the answers. Now let's take those answers and make a profile of our opposite and see if we're attracted to it. I'm excited!

My ideal date or partner, then, would be: A rake thin, really short, knife-wielding one eyed unsweaty plumber, who drives a normal boring car with John Cleese in the back seat, listens to Coldplay whilst facing south without any magnetic field, and enjoys hanging around with Lions.

Frankly, compared to some of the clowns I've been out with, this sounds like a dream date! It looks like there is some truth in this after all!

Try it yourself, if you dare. I would love to read your results!

1 comment:

Hexmyex said...

OK, so my opposite attraction might go something like this:

Me:

Height: Tall
Build: Slim but flabby in very bad places
Marital Status: Divorced
Style: Smart
Favourite TV programme: None
Favourite bodily feature: spleen
Animals: Two homosexual rabbits and a mental cat
Hobbies: Ferret-racing, talking, picking my spots and eating slimy marine animals
Job: Marketing manager

My Opposite:

Height: Dwarf
Build: Fat and firm in all very good places (ooer!)
Marital Status: Happily married
Style: Scruff
Favourite TV programme: TV addict
Favourite bodily feature: What's the opposite of your spleen? OK, I'll go for his appendix
Animals: Stud farm
Hobbies: cutting legs off racing ferrets, mute, cultivating acne and vegetarian
Job: Liquidator

In summary, I must find a happily married, fat, spotty dwarf in a permanent state of arousal, who dresses like a tramp, has an appendix fixation, runs a stud farm, rarely speaks, is cruel to poor defenceless rodents, only eats parsnips and enjoys watching businesses go bust. I think I am falling in love already...