I promised my 70-year old mother I would not blog about this, but she knows I am a dreadful liar, so she will expect this anyway...
She called me this morning and passed the time of day. There was then a bit of a silence and she sheepishly said, "I must tell you something, actually..."
"Yes?" I asked, expecting the latest gossip about Doreen from the pensioners showing off her bloomers on the bowling green.
"Well, I've been having a lot of trouble with my piles just recently, you know..."
"Well use some Anusol, Mum," I suggested.
"That's the point, I have been doing, but you know, when you have 'internal piles', you have to use your finger."
Too much information, I thought...
"So, last night, I woke up in agony and stuck some up my bottom. But it wasn't Anusol. I squirted a load of toothpaste up there by accident. Bloody hell, it hurt, you know!"
When I had stopped roaring with laughter at her embarrassment and discomfort, she went on to tell me that it had sorted out the pain incredibly well.
Nothing like Colgate for giving you that 'ring of confidence', eh?