Tuesday, 6 November 2007

Fireworks and Sparklers...

November 5th, for those of you not in the know, is Bonfire Night in the UK - or 'Bonny Night' if you are from the North West like me. It is there to celebrate Guy Fawkes attempting to blow up the Houses of Parliament and overthrow the government of that day. He failed parlously, unfortunately, and obviously there are no takers to try it again, as we still have a crap Labour government running the country (into the ground...).

Now, Bonfire Night is my favourite night of the year. Yes, Christmas Eve is jolly nice and I do like going out on birthdays, but November 5th is the ultimate night for me. I think it appeals to the arsonist tendencies in me (see post on Fear). It has always been my romantic ideal to spend the night with the man of my dreams, get all snuggly and warm, sip at a hot toddy/coffee/bottle of rum in a brown paper bag, and coo 'oooh' and 'aaaahh' at the beautiful fireworks exploding all over the sky.

Whilst attacking my garden for the winter a few weeks ago, I decided to save all the old wood, leaves and detritus to have our own bonfire. I had carefully tarpaulined it so the old rhododendron bushes would dry out, and thus crackle and spit like my Mother on a bad day. However, after the high winds we had two weeks ago, and due to my dilitory attitude, the tarp blew off and I couldn't be fagged re-jigging it. When I went to buy some fireworks, I was informed that they had sold out (this from the shop which couldn't give them away last year) and was offered three poxy packs of sparklers. Boo!

Armed with a small can of lighter fuel and some cardboard for kindling (Norman wouldn't be a sport and allow me to use his tail) we attempted to get the fire lit. It wasn't really a massive success to be honest, and now there is a huge pile of rotting wood stuck in the middle of my lawn, which I have no doubt will be there until Spring 2010. The sparklers were OK, admittedly, but I only managed to write Agnes twice in the air before they burned out.

#1 took the hump with me because a small spark of ash went sailing right down her low-cut top and hit the bullseye on the cleavage and I laughed. #2 was just concerned in case we ended up baking some hedgehogs which had hibernated in the leaves for the winter.

Yet, one of my ideals did come true last night, actually. I spent the evening with The Man of My Dreams, who presented me with my very own sparkler. OK, you can't write with it - although you could certainly take someone's eye out with it - and if all the blurb is to be believed, it is forever, unlike the handhelds which fizzled out after 30 seconds!

In a very ironic twist of fate, aforesaid Man of Dreams is an ex who has realised what a jolly good thing he was missing out on, how utterly fantastic I am, and a much richer person than I was 12 months ago, due to Job of Dreams, and asked me to marry him. So for all of you thinking I have lied about my singleton status, I'm afraid I haven't - he only contacted me again two weeks ago.

So, there you have it. The blogsite name will stay the same, but there will be a certain ex who won't be being blogged about any more!

PS. For reasons of a professional standing, my name will remain Mildew. His surname is Parsnip.

PPS. Charles Parsnip has asked me to verify my answer to any of you who really couldn't read between the lines...

I said, YES!

27 comments:

Matt Chingduvé said...

Let me be the first to offer my congratulations on here :)

I hope that the wedding cake is chocolate. Yummy yummy!!

I am raising a glass (of what, I don't know) to the success of the Parsnip/Mildew union!

Matt x

alcoment said...

Bloody hell mate! Congratulations! I'm really pleased for you.

You do realise that you have a whole circle of blog friends that expect an invite, don't you?! After all, they'll have just read mention of cake!

Sian x

Agnes Mildew said...

Alcoment/Sian: Yup, you can all expect invites, but I am heading off into a hermitage for it all...no pomp and ceremony for me, if I am lucky! But I shall surely upload photos - whenever it actually happens, and that has NOT yet been discussed properly!

King of Scurf said...

I've not been reading your blog for long so perhaps I'm not exactly up to speed with events....but I certainly didn't see that coming.

Big congratulations.

Agnes Mildew said...

Matt: For some strange reason the comment I tried to post was aborted...but no, the cake will be made of whelks, octupi, mussels and any other bottom feeders, just to remind me of the dates I have had this past year...

Agnes Mildew said...

King of Scurf: Join the club, mate!

Linda and her Surroundings said...

Well, I must say, you are a dark horse indeed... Very nice to see someone come to their senses and seen what a true gem almost missed out on..

After having read your blog for a while I do know that you won't need the pre-wedding night chat.

Talk about FIREWORKS!!!

Lovely stuff.

Keli said...

Well, that is most exciting news - congrats! (I think it's wonderful that you don't mind that he's marrying you for your money!) I'm glad also that one of your dreams came true on Bonfire Night. I love happy endings!

Anonymous said...

I NEVER saw it coming but wondered what the hell was going on with you and why you were so absent from the blogosphere. Does this mean we'll hardly ever hear from you now? I don't know whether to be happy for you or sad for me?

Sad for me. Please tell the lucky bastard to take good care of you or we'll all hex your ex.

Lots of Love,

Stealth

Agnes Mildew said...

Linda: Thanks, and no, I don't need a pre-wedding chat. I shall just ask #1 daughter to give me some tips.

Keli: I know it's my money he's after. Yes, I'm cool with that. I love being in a position of power...!

Stealth: Gosh, I'm going nowhere, mate! Nothing has changed as far as blogging is concerned. So don't be sad! And if he doesn't look after me, just think of all the wonderful blogging fodder there will be - hahaha!

Anonymous said...

Thankyou for all your comments.

Be rest asured that I shall be forcing Agnes to ensure there is no slacking on the blog front. I enjoy reading them as much as you do.

Sincrely,

Charles Parsnip.

Matt Chingduvé said...

"the cake will be made of whelks, octupi, mussels and any other bottom feeders, just to remind me of the dates I have had this past year..."

I must admit my matchmaking skills aren't what they used to be *grins*

Agnes Mildew said...

Mr Parsnip: Learn to spell.

Matt: No, you let me down, mate, you really did!!

thewishfulwriter said...

WHOOOOOOOOOOO HOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!

Need my address for the invite?

And i love Parsnip already....what with his promising not to let you fade off into oblivion....

You deserve the fabulous job, the incredible relationship and everything else life has to offer.

I'm happy dancing in your honor (yeah...it's best you can't actually see what's going on over here)

Agnes Mildew said...

Heather: Thanks...if I ever get sick and tired of Parsnip, and you decide to bat for the other side, you can have him, OK? He can't spell very well, but he reckons he's a good cook...

Nim said...

Blimey. That was a bit of a shock. Mind you, it beats Colin with his inane natter (it was Colin wasn't it...? I can't be bothered to look back)

Bloody Congratulations Mrs P. When's the happy day...?

Agnes Mildew said...

Nim: Thanks - no idea when the happy day is going to be - let me get used to not being single first! The list of inane conversationalists is almost endless, but I suspect you meant Clive.

Anonymous said...

That was an interesting comment there nim. I wonder if Ms M. will become Mrs P.

My spelling is suffering at the moment, mostly due to the scrutiny of the very finickety Ms Mildew. I suspect I shall survive.

Sincerely,

Charles Parsnip.

Agnes Mildew said...

Mr P: As long as you keep on making me toast and marmite, you'll be OK.

Chantal said...

CONGRATULATIONS! Here's to you, Agnes, and your sweet Charles Parsnip...wow, twice in a lifetime!
Rich blessings,
Chantal

Agnes Mildew said...

Chantal: Many thanks, Chantal. Twice in a lifetime is once too many times in my book to be honest! Let's hope that's the last, eh?!

karen said...

Fabulous news, Agnes. Congratulations to you both!

Hope said...

Wonderful...congratulations from Texas!

Agnes Mildew said...

Karen & Hope: Many thanks for your congrats!

Hawk said...

((((Belated CONGRATULATIONS!))))

I guess the hexes worked on some level and in some fashion. Probably not what you expected, doh!

Many blessings to you and much happiness. Just remember two things: 1. If you must fight, fight naked! And, 2. May all your ups and downs be between the sheets!

LMAO - Sorry for being a little...uhm...whatever.

Nim said...

Oh... hello my dear. I thought you should be the first to know (well, in Blogland anyhow) I seem to have acquired a boyfriend. Me..!! Who knew..?!?!

Agnes Mildew said...

Nim: Heartiest congrats to you, me dear! Hope it all goes well, and you most definitely deserve it. And if he's a sod, just visit Hex My Ex Commercial...