Showing posts with label double dating. Show all posts
Showing posts with label double dating. Show all posts
Saturday, 30 June 2007
Coming Soon...
After long hours of consultation with such astrological experts as Mystic Smeg and Jonathan Painer, we are preparing your horoscopes for the six months ahead. These will be FREE, at absolutely NO COST to you, although donations to the Agnes Needs New Tights fund is always appreciated (Reg. Charity No. 589373289).
Friday, 29 June 2007
SOSOTL Market Research Report
In light of MUBM’s recent research into SOTSOTL syndrome, Hex My Ex hired ace German Marketing Researchers, “Bugya-industreet” to discover what causes SOTSOTL to set in.
Over an intensive 37 minutes, their crack-head team consisting of Heimlich Maneouvre and Heidi Schnapps, asked two and a half unwilling volunteers to proffer their opinions on the causes of SOTSOTL and how it had happened for them.
For reasons of clarity, we will call the candidates A, B and C in providing their comprehensive responses and maintaining their anonymity:
1. What did you most hate about your ex?
A: She didn’t want a threesome.
B: He refused to get up to go to the toilet and would soil his underpants all the time on my settee.
C: I have never had a girlfriend.
2. What clothes did your ex wear which really used to annoy you?
A: Dresses, skirts, trousers, jeans, shirts, T-shirts, tops, suits…
B: His dirty undies.
C: I’ve never had a boyfriend, either.
3. Was there anything about your ex’s eating habits that annoyed you?
A: Well, there wasn’t much munching going on with her, I can tell you!
B: He would balance his sandwiches on his big fat belly and store cake in his beard to suck on later.
C: I don’t like this.
4. Did your ex ever employ a term of endearment for you, which you hated?
A: If she called me anything other than Stud Muffin, she would get a load of verbal.
B: Bitch.
C: Mum…Help!…there’s a weird lady talking to me. Tell her I’m only 42.
5. What was your ex’s worst habit?
A: Constantly having to visit her gynaecologist.
B: Scratching his dirty bottom and sniffing it.
C: Leave my Harold alone, you harlot!! Take that! And that!
6. What type of music did your ex play which annoyed you?
A: Anything that wasn’t played on my organ…
B: His kak klaxon music.
C: [silence]
7. Did your ex help around the house?
A: ‘Course she did. She helped me all the time. I’d sit and watch her clean while she was wearing her French maid’s outfit.
B: He helped to foul around it.
C: [silence]
8. What do you think about the recent SOTSOTL findings?
A: What? Don’t know what you’re on about. Now, bugger off - I have Stringfellows to run.
B: I wrote the report.
C: Would you like to come out on a date with me?
In conclusion, it is glaringly obvious that if you aren’t nymphomaniac with a penchant for company and need to wear clothes or you are a gruesome slob in every aspect of your life, SOTSOTL is likely to affect your relationship fairly dramatically and rather quickly. So, take a leaf out of Matt Chingduvé and Agnes Mildew’s books and dump your partners pretty quickly and take us out for a double date.
You can contact us anytime on 0898-Incontinence Problems 666. Be sure to leave a message if we are not there and we’ll get back to you if we can reverse the charges.
Over an intensive 37 minutes, their crack-head team consisting of Heimlich Maneouvre and Heidi Schnapps, asked two and a half unwilling volunteers to proffer their opinions on the causes of SOTSOTL and how it had happened for them.
For reasons of clarity, we will call the candidates A, B and C in providing their comprehensive responses and maintaining their anonymity:
1. What did you most hate about your ex?
A: She didn’t want a threesome.
B: He refused to get up to go to the toilet and would soil his underpants all the time on my settee.
C: I have never had a girlfriend.
2. What clothes did your ex wear which really used to annoy you?
A: Dresses, skirts, trousers, jeans, shirts, T-shirts, tops, suits…
B: His dirty undies.
C: I’ve never had a boyfriend, either.
3. Was there anything about your ex’s eating habits that annoyed you?
A: Well, there wasn’t much munching going on with her, I can tell you!
B: He would balance his sandwiches on his big fat belly and store cake in his beard to suck on later.
C: I don’t like this.
4. Did your ex ever employ a term of endearment for you, which you hated?
A: If she called me anything other than Stud Muffin, she would get a load of verbal.
B: Bitch.
C: Mum…Help!…there’s a weird lady talking to me. Tell her I’m only 42.
5. What was your ex’s worst habit?
A: Constantly having to visit her gynaecologist.
B: Scratching his dirty bottom and sniffing it.
C: Leave my Harold alone, you harlot!! Take that! And that!
6. What type of music did your ex play which annoyed you?
A: Anything that wasn’t played on my organ…
B: His kak klaxon music.
C: [silence]
7. Did your ex help around the house?
A: ‘Course she did. She helped me all the time. I’d sit and watch her clean while she was wearing her French maid’s outfit.
B: He helped to foul around it.
C: [silence]
8. What do you think about the recent SOTSOTL findings?
A: What? Don’t know what you’re on about. Now, bugger off - I have Stringfellows to run.
B: I wrote the report.
C: Would you like to come out on a date with me?
In conclusion, it is glaringly obvious that if you aren’t nymphomaniac with a penchant for company and need to wear clothes or you are a gruesome slob in every aspect of your life, SOTSOTL is likely to affect your relationship fairly dramatically and rather quickly. So, take a leaf out of Matt Chingduvé and Agnes Mildew’s books and dump your partners pretty quickly and take us out for a double date.
You can contact us anytime on 0898-Incontinence Problems 666. Be sure to leave a message if we are not there and we’ll get back to you if we can reverse the charges.
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